Friends

Friends

It has been said that if you have one true friend during your lifetime that you are truly blessed. Friends come and go during our lives but true friends are one of a kind. When you are in high school you will form friendships that could last well into your adult years. You will have your BFF that you will share everything with. They will know you at your best, your worst, all of your fears and secrets. You will be in daily contact with each other via phone, text, email or in person. You will be inseparable. You will promise each other that no matter what happens, you will always be BFF’s. Then you graduate and go to separate colleges. New people will come into your life and the contact that you have with you BFF will go from daily, to weekly, to whenever the two of you come back home. You still talk to each other about important issues but your time is now consumed with your new friends and activities. Then, you graduate from college and go on to grad school, then from grad school to marriage, then from marriage to a new job and soon the contact that you have with your BFF might only be a Christmas Card.

My definition of a true friend is someone that is ALWAYS there. Not someone who is there for the high points in life but someone who is there for the low ones and all the others in between. You don’t have to speak to each other daily or even monthly. People have lives and life gets in the way, but a true friend is one that you can call and no matter how long it has been the conversation picks up as if you had just spoken yesterday. There is no hesitation, there is no uneasiness everything just flows and seems natural. And there is no score keeping. It doesn’t matter who called who last, what matters is that one of you reaches out to the other and keeps the bond strong. Friendship is like any other relationship, it takes some effort to keep it alive. Part of having a true friend is knowing how to be a true friend.

I have been fortunate during my life to have had several true friends along the way. They may not have stayed in my life forever, but I still consider them true friends. My BFF and I met each other through work. We immediately found we had so many things in common and our friendship began almost immediately. We went shopping together, we shared our dreams and goals, we laughed together, we cried together, we worked out together, and we celebrated together. Eventually we both left that job and went to work for different companies. We still stayed in touch, even though new people came into our lives, we still shared those experiences with each other. Years went by and I allowed a relationship I was in put distance between she and I and for about two years we lost contact. During that time she developed cancer. The first I heard of it she was already in the hospital receiving treatments. I showed up at the hospital feeling guilty about not staying in contact with her and for not being there when she got the news. Because her immune system was so low, before you could enter her hospital room you had to “scrub up” and put on a gown and mask to minimize the germs that were introduced into her environment. I honestly worried that she wouldn’t recognize me. I walked into the room and there she lay on the hospital bed with a huge smile on her face and her arms extended to me in a hug. From that day forward we were once again inseparable. I lay with her on her bed and we went shopping through catalogs for wigs that she would need when her hair fell out. I cried with her when she began to loose her hair and I shaved her head when she was ready. The treatment was successful and the cancer went into remission for about a year. When it came back it came back with a vengeance. She was admitted to MD Anderson for treatments and I made the trip several times to stay with her on the weekends and on days I could take off. When she felt good we would dress up in her wigs and go to the video store around the corner and rent movies, then go back to her room and have popcorn and watch movies and just enjoy the time together. Her family was so considerate. If they knew I was coming they would all go home and give us the time to spend together. We talked about our goals and dreams and everything in between. She had been the picture health, she had always eaten right and exercised, taken care of herself and done everything right. I asked her if she was angry because she was sick or didn’t she ever wonder “why me?” She said that she trusted that God knew what he was doing with her life and she was at peace with that. I told her how much I admired her attitude but I would have to ask God what he was thinking. She laughed at me like she always did and just shook her head. We were so different, yet so much the same. When it was obvious that she wasn’t going to survive, we planned her funeral. The last time I saw her she was asleep in a hospital bed heavily medicated for the pain. Her mom said she had been awake all day excited to see me, but she just couldn’t stay awake any longer. I still talked to her and she would answer by grunting. Everyone in the room was amazed by the bond we had and that even though she was “somewhere else” she still responded to my being there. She died in January 2001—she was 28years old. It has been almost ten years since I last saw her physical body. She still comes to me sometimes in my dreams. We have been shopping, we have been out to lunch or dinner or we have just been for walks. She has asked about the living and I have asked about the dead. I still miss her and there will never be another true friend like her. I was angry that she was taken from me so soon but as I grew older and wiser I realized how incredibly lucky I was to have had her in my life.

So, if you are fortunate enough to have any true friends, don’t take them for granted. Don’t just assume they will be there when you get ready to pick up the phone, because we aren’t promised tomorrow and death doesn’t care how old you are or if you have accomplished everything you set out to. Life is so short and we never know if today is our last day.