The Loss Of A Child

No parent should ever have to experience the loss of a child. The natural order of death dictates that we as parents be the first to die, with our children and grandchildren gathered around us at our bed side. Yet some of us find ourselves standing over graves of those that were called too soon. Whether it be from an automobile accident, terminal illness, drug overdose, or just some strange twist of fate, the emptiness is the same. One of my friends, Gaye Auger-Laing of Monroe, lost her son unexpectedly on December 23, 2012. Her pain is still new, her journey is fresh. Her therapy is her art and her words. Many of you have lost children and know the path she travels. Many of you know of others that have lost children and are never quite sure what to say to them. Many of you have never experienced either but have children – hold them close, kiss them often, and live each moment as if it were your last. Gaye gave me permission to share her words in the hopes it will bring peace and understanding to others: With the loss of a child comes a whole new world and outlook. Can you imagine that in one split second, the world you awakened to, changed faster than you could take in your next breath? Everything about your normal life is no longer normal. Your family life changes after the death of ones child. We live with happiness in our memories but anger that we outlived our child. We have entered a world in mixed emotions and surviving not only the death of our child but our own identity. It's a walk now of faith and our only goal in that walk to be find our child. We live a life of searching now....Searching for our new identity, searching for some little sign from our child, searching for memories of our child, searching for the right words to say to others to make them comfortable around us, searching for those few minutes in our day where we unconsciously forget that we are mothers of a deceased child. Searching for our path in life, searching for our happy place. We linger between happy and grief 24/7s and never know which one will hit us at any second of the day but have to be prepared with our quick escape and our parting lines as we rush away from others so that they won't feel uncomfortable seeing us exposed to our life of limbo. We open up our hearts and we cry from the separation from our child. We close our hearts and we cry from the darkness of keeping our child's memory out of our minds. We are constantly juggling our personalities and our hearts. Others do not understand it and most would rather not deal with the emotional person you have become and walk away from us. We hurt when that happens because, not only are our feelings on our sleeves but our emotional state no longer allows us to remember that no long ago, we were just like you. We did not know what to say nor how deep the hurt ran so we went back into our comfort zone where our children were alive, healthy and happy. We ignored the possibilities that we could not even allow our minds to go that dark nor could our minds even comprehend going that deep into the darkness of despair. We no longer walk to the rhythm of the moment, we walk to the rhythm of our hearts. For our hearts are forever broken and it is a break no doctor or self can mend. Our hearts have no shields now and our minds have no filters. We know we have to move on. We know we have to change our everyday pattern to the void, we know we are broken...Yet we don't have the mind set to know how to fix us. So we survive and do our best. We are Mothers and we are the strongest of the strong. We have lifted more weight off our chest than any weightlifter could ever lift. We have moved mountains of grief that no machinery could ever move. We have shed tears more rapid than any mighty rivers. We have kept our emotions and words held in more than the strongest levees could ever contain. We are forever a mountain of faith and strength. Yet we live with the knowledge that all of our strength, it could not save our children. Our burdens are our blessings. We walk on in the hope that one day, we will have answers and peace. Our prayers to you are, we never find you walking our same path.