Putting YOU back into Yourself

One of my very first English assignments as a freshman in High School was to go home and ask a parent to list the top five people in their lives that they loved...in order. This was one of the few assignments I actually went home and did. I posed the question to my mom, because if I would have asked my dad I would have had to endure an hour long conversation about his reason for listing those that he listed and how that could relate to a life lesson!!! Mom was busy cooking supper so I figured I could get away relatively quickly. Her answer surprised me though. The person that she loved the most was herself, followed by God, my Dad and me and my sis. Her reason was that if you didn't love yourself, how could you possibly truly love anyone else? OK, cool, whatever, I had an answer and off I went. The next day in English class the teacher asked everyone to share the person their parent listed as loving the most. Several answers were given before she got to me. Many said God, others said their children, spouses, parents etc. Then it was my turn. Well I wasn't about to tell everyone that my mom loved herself more than anyone else. So, I gave them her second choice, God and my turn was over. There as a girl in our class that was painfully shy, and not very attractive. We all know those kinds of kids, their clothes are rumpled and their hair never looks combed or washing and you just kinda know, even as selfish teenagers, that those kids are poor....really poor. They never fit in and they are never the cool kids. Well, when it got to her turn she said her mom said that she loved herself more than anyone else and gave the same reason as my mom. The teacher was extremely impressed with that answer and it ended up becoming a huge class discussion. The shy kid got an "A" and everyone else got a "B" on that assignment. Who knew??

Fast forward a whole bunch of years. If I asked you to list the top five people in your life that you loved, where would your name be? Would your name even be on the list? How high would you rank yourself? When did you take YOU out of YOURself? Like the old saying goes "Momma knows best". If you are a miserable, unhappy person, how can you bestow happiness upon others? If you are unhappy about your appearance, how can you bestow confidence upon others? If you are not strong enough to take yourself out of a bad situation, how will you ever be happy? If you don't feel as if you are deserving of anything good or positive, how can you expect someone to give that to you? If you put everyone else in your life first, when will it be your turn? If you don't love yourself, how can you love someone else? If you don't love yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you?

Loving yourself at first glance seems a rather selfish notion. As parents, especially mom's, we tend to put everyone else's needs above our own. We take care of the house, the bills, the groceries, the kids, the errands, the homework and tell ourselves that if there is time left at the end of the day we are going to devote that time to ourselves. But guess what? At the end of the day, after taking care of everyone else's needs, we are too tired to take care of our own. How long do you think you can go on that battery without recharging it? At that pace, it won't take long before things start to break and the balls start to fall, and we feel as if we've failed.

If you are waiting for someone to come along to make you feel good about yourself, or to make you feel loved, you will be waiting a long time. There is only one person in charge of your happiness and that's YOU. YOU are responsible for making YOU happy, not a spouse, or a child, or a puppy, kitten or job. YOU own that responsibility. Kirstie Alley recently said "I went to Paris and found my true love....ME". When you learn how to love yourself, you can achieve levels of self confidence that you never thought you had. You will learn to try new things in life and not wait for the opportunity to just "come along"- you will learn to create those opportunities. You will learn and accept that you are not perfect but you will have the strength to strive to be better every day. You will learn to turn your dreams ingot goals and your goals into reality. You will learn that you don't have to "settle", you have worth, YOU matter in this world and YOU deserve the best.

So, I am giving you permission to put YOU back into YOURself. Dedicate some time every day just for YOU. Tell the family that is YOUR time and ask that they not interrupt you unless there is blood or fire involved. YOU get to choose the activity, whether it be taking a long walk or jog with the dog, reading, writing in your journal or blog, exercising, taking a group fitness class, a bubble bath or any other activity that fills YOU back up and recharges your battery. After about a week of doing this consistently, you will start to feel less stressed, less "used", and less like your life is being dictated by others. You see, just this little piece of time will give you the push you need to be your best YOU! And being your best YOU means loving YOURself for who you are. When you do that, you can truly, freely give that love to others.

Oh, and the poor, shy kid from English class.... She graduated from High School with a 4.0 GPA. I heard she got a scholarship to a BIG college, graduated, moved away and now has a successful career in nuclear medicine. She must have been paying attention that day in English class.

The Run for Life

I love to run! When I was young I could out run everyone in my school and my neighborhood and I won all of the 50 yard dashes. I could fly like the wind. After my high school graduation it was several years before I started running again. As a matter of fact it was after my first child was born and I was in my twenties. My runs were for a different reason this time. I wasn't just running because I could, I was running to get in shape and lose weight. I never really "got it" when I ran on concrete through the subdivisions and neighborhoods. I certainly never "got it" when I ran on a treadmill (the only thing I "got" there was really bored, really fast). My happy place was running in the woods, on the trails. I loved the peacefullness that overcame me. I loved the sense of freedom I felt. I loved the sound of the rythm of my feet hitting the ground. I loved the wind in my hair. I loved the sounds of nature around me. I loved the smell of pure outdoors. I loved the sight of the leaves slowly fluttering to the ground. The only music I had was the singing of the birds and the chirping of the crickets or locusts. It was MY time. There were times I felt I could run for days and never fatigue, it was energizing. My mind was calm, I could sort through almost any problem while I ran without the distractions and interruptions of everyday life, without my mind jumping from one subject to the next. I was totally focused, calm and at peace. Then, the unthinkable happened. I was in a car accident that totaled my car (that was not the unthinkable). My head went through the windshield requiring 120 stitches, my ribs were cracked and my right knee was swollen, bruised and throbbing from being forced into the console. I had to have my head shaved for the stitches,and I had beautiful LONG hair ( that was not the unthinkable) but eventually it grew back, and my ribs healed. My knee was not so lucky. After I recovered I went back to running. My knee started giving me problems, and a doctor determined I had a torn miniscus that would require surgery. I don't know all of the technical terms but basically the miniscus is a "C" shaped something that forms a cushion and keeps your knee from rubbing bone. Because of the substance it is made from, you can either shave the pieces off that have frayed or if the tears are too severe, the only option to correct it is with tacks or staples-guess which one I had? You got it, the tacks and staples. However, the the center of the miniscus also had a tear and it could not be repaired. I was told I could never run again for fear of the tacks/staples wearing and coming loose and the tear in the center getting bigger. Not only could I not run, but I couldn't do any high impact exercises or sports--EVER!! That was the unthinkable, I think this was more devastating than having my head shaved. What would I do? Where would I find those peaceful moments again? I was assured by my doctor, there were plenty of low impact exercises and activities that I could do,but if you know me, you know I'm not "low impact", it's all out with my hair on fire or nothing. I'm also not one that listens too well when someone tells me I can't do something. After 8 weeks when the "boot" came off and I could throw the crutches away, I went through six months of intense physical therapy and quizzed the therapists on exercises etc. I researched and learned the exercises I could do to strengthen the muscles around my knee and within two years of having surgery I was running again. I wasn't running as often or as far and I probably wasn't using correct form because I was compensating for my right knee, but I had my peaceful moments back. But running was different this time. It wasn't just so much to get my mind right or even to get in shape, it was to discover what I was made of and to learn what I was capable of and the limits I could push myself to and achieve results. I learned how to breathe in order to get enough oxygen so that I could run further. I learned how to pace myself instead of running as if my hair was on fire, so that I wasn't completely spent by the time I had reached my goal. And I learned to push myself to lengths and distances that I had never gone before. Then, in my peaceful moments it struck me how much life is like running.


What if we could learn to just breathe as if we are preparing for a marathon-breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth, concentrating on the sound of our own breathing as the oxygen is supplied to our blood and brain, helping us to think clearer? What if we could just learn to pace ourselves instead of running through our day so we can be the first one to cross the finish line. Funny thing is, after you cross that finish line and you are laying in bed at the end of the day, what have you really accomplished? What if we could learn to push ourselves? That sounds like a contradiction to the last statement I just made but I don't mean push yourself to DO more, I mean to push yourself to BE more.

In writing this blog I have also discovered something else (as I always do when I blog or write in a journal). There were different periods in my life when I ran for different reasons. Initially it was just because I could. Then it was to get in shape and lose weight. And then it was to prove to myself that I could achieve great things despite the adversity that had been thrown in my running path. Life is sooooo like that. The reasons we do things may change over time. But if it's something we love, we should find a way to continue to let that be a part of our lives. I am currently readinng Drew Brees' new book "Coming Back Stronger" and I HIGHLY recommend it. It's about football of course (not just ANY football, wer'e talking about the SAINTS!!) but it's also about the adversity and struggles that he faced while determined to be THE BEST quarterback, father, husband, leader, person that he could possibly be. It doesn't just happen, we have to have the desire, the drive, the determination and the confidence to know we CAN make changes.


So, I challenge you to run with me. Breathe with me. Pace yourself. Push yourself. Take a deep breath and start on your journey to the person you want to be and lead the life you want to lead. Pace yourself on your journey as there will be many obstacles that get in your way. Save your energy for the times you really need it and don't spend it on the trivial things. But most of all, learn to push yourself. Get out of your comfort zone and start realizing your dreams. This is YOUR time. No one is going to make it happen for you. Ya gotta figure out a way to do it yourself. I know you've heard it said that life is not a dress rehearsal, there are no do overs. If you don't believe it, spend some time in a nursing home or assisted living facility and talk with some of the residents there. Ask them what they would have done differently in their lives. Most of them will tell you they don't regret the things they have done, they regret the things they didn't do. Join me in the Run for Life. Let's go for it--no regrets!