I have been married more than once. OK, I have been married more than twice. It used to embarrass me to say that because I looked at that as two failures. I don't see it that way anymore. I see them as molding experiences. They helped mold me into the person I am today. I personally feel that love, as society defines it, is highly over rated--but hear me out. I think Hollywood has led us to believe that love is a feeling. I believe that love the feeling is a result of love the verb. Love the verb is something you DO, you make sacrifices for the other person, you give of yourself, you listen, you empathize, you affirm and most of all you respect and appreciate the other person. It is a constant give and take--it is ever changing. And it is a willingness to DO those things for someone else.
Because of my past molding experiences I have found my true Best Friend for Life. He is everything you would want in a best friend. I can talk to him about anything, I trust him, and I respect him. We don't always agree and we get angry with each other, but that is part of the growing process. We are both fiercly independent and sometimes that's a good thing and sometimes not so good. But we have learned to respect each other's independence and our relationship has grown because of that.
So, as my daughter approaches the marrying age, I wish for her what I have learned and I wish that she won't have to go through the molding experiences that I did. I wish for her to get it right the first time. Some of it comes with maturity and age. But I found that most of it comes from knowing yourself and being comfortable in your own skin. Not so much knowing what you want, because that changes, but knowing what you DON'T want, and that pretty much stays constant. Had I met my Best Friend for Life when I was twenty-something, would we have been a good fit then? Hmmmm.
I wanted to share the lyrics to a song I heard recently that sums this up much better than I could ever verbalize. My favorite part is the second verse. The song is called "For My Wedding"
For my wedding, I will dress in black
And never again will I look back
Ah, my dark angels we must part
For I've made a sanctuary of my heart
To want what I have
To take what I'm given with grace
For this I pray
On my wedding day
For my wedding, I don't want violins
Or sentinmental songs about
thick and thin
I wan t a momet of silence
and a moment of prayer
For the love we'll need to make it
in the world out there
I dream, and my dreams are all
glory and light
That's what I've wanted for my life
And if it hasn't always been that way
Well, I can dream and I can pray
On my wedding day
So what makes us any different
from all the others
Who have tried and failed before us
Maybe nothing, maybe nothing at all
But I pray we're the lucky ones;
I pray we never fall
I want what we have
To take what wer'e given with grace
For theses things I pray
On my wedding day....
Written by: Larry John McNally
Sung by: Don Henley
A man once told another man that his marriage was in trouble--he and his wife just didn't have the same feelings for each other anymore. He just didn't love her and she felt the same about him. The other man answered, : "Just love her. Listen to her, hear her, appreciate her and affirm her. If you are willing to do that, love the feeling will return"
To summarize all of my ramblings and to take the lyrics from another song "It's not the love that dies, it's the understanding ways"
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Your Attitude Determines Your Altitude
Unfortunately I didn't come up with that phrase, someone else did, but how true is it? I noticed on Sundays my Facebook friends start talking about their weekends ending and going back to work on Mondays. I find it interesting the different attitudes they take. Some are "back to the grind", some are "I know it's going to be another stressful week-can't wait until Friday", and some are "Whoo, Hoo, another week starting-what opportunitites will present themselves this week?". Guess which one I like?
No matter your reasons for working (a) be thankful you have the opportunity to work (b) be thankful you have a job (c) always try to make the best of a situation. In other words, if you don't win the lotto you will have to go to work on Monday. If your job is causing you that much stress, find another one OR look inside yourself and determine is it your job or your attitude about your job that is causing you stress? If it is your attitude, then no matter where you go to work, it will always be the same. Because the problem lies with YOU and not the job. And that doesn't just relate to a job, it can also relate to your life and your relationships with others. I'm not minimizing the stress you feel, the negativity in your organization may be real but why let that determine who you are and what kind of day you will have. I decided a long time ago that no one has my permission to make my day a bad one. Think about that. The only way a situation or a person can determine your mood or feelings is if YOU let them. That works both ways. If you want to feel positive, hang out with positive people--it is contagious and it will rub off. If you want to feel negative hang out with negative peeps and allow them to determine your thoughts--it's contagious too. Let's look at some people that let their attitude determine their altitude.
Dara Torres-She is the first U.S. swimmer to compete in FIVE Olympics. On August 1, 2007 at the age of 40 and just 15 months after giving birth to her first child she won gold in the 100 meter freestyle. Three days later she broke her own American record in the 50 meter freestyle-26 years after she set the American record at the age of 15. In August 2008 at the age or 41 she won silver in the women's 50 meter freestyle finishe in American record time. Everyone told her she was too old. She has won a total of 12 Olympic medals, 4 gold, 4 silver and 4 bronze. Everyone told her it had never been done by someone her age. Everyone told her she would never be in good enough shape after the birth of her child. Everyone told her except Dara Torres!!! She didn't give others permission to determine her future. Thanks to Dara there are women striving to reach their goals in swimming. Many of these women are being told they can't do it. What if Dara had listened to everyone except Dara? These women wouldn't have a role model to look up to. Your attitude determines your altitude.
Lance Armstrong-on Oct 2, 1996 he was diagnosed with stage 3 testicular cancer. It had spread to his lungs, abdomen and brain. His doctors told him there was only a 7% survival rate. His question to them was "Who says I can't be in that 7%?". After surgery, chemo and radiation his cancer went into remission and he went on to win SEVEN consecutive Tour de France races (1999-2005). In 1997 he founded the LiveStrong Foundation to provide support for people with cancer and to promote awareness of cancer and early detection. He has and still continues to lobby in Washington to make survivorship a national health priority. Lance gave no one permission to determine his life, he is in that 7%. Attitude determines your altitude.
Helen Keller-lost her hearing and sight at the age of 19 months. With the help of Anne Mansfield Sullivan she learned to communicate using sign language, to read braille to write and to speak. She entered Radcliffe College in the fall of 1900 and went on to recieve a bachelor of arts degree cum laude in 1904. Her formal education ended there but she continued to learn, read, and write. She recieved many honorary degrees from Universitites such as: Temple and Harvard as well as Univiserties in Glasgow, Scottland, Berlin, Germany and many others. She was a member of the American Foundation for the Blind and in 1924 campaiged for "Helen Keller Endowment Fund" for the foundation. She died in 1968 at the age of 88. In her eulogy the preacher said "Her spirit will endure as long as man can read. Stories can be told of the woman who showed the world there are no bondaries to courage and faith". Attitude determines your altitude.
Now, given those stories I'll bet your work week doesn't look all that stressful anymore right? These people have all made a difference in the world we live in and have impacted us all positively. They each had plenty of reasons to roll over and play dead, but they didn't let their situation determine how far they would go. What can you do to create that positive impact on someone else? OK-you work in a negative environment, so be your best and most positive YOU. Start the change, it is contagious. People naturally gravitate to positive people and their attitudes rub off on others. BE that positive person that others want to be around. I'm not saying to always be in charge of cheering peeople up or trying to MAKE negative people see the positive in a situation. People will be who they choose to be. I'm just saying, let it start with YOU. Choose to be that positive person, the light in the darkness, the glass half full person. You'll find you feel better about yourself, your environment, your relationships and who knows when it will make a difference in someone else's life.
No matter your reasons for working (a) be thankful you have the opportunity to work (b) be thankful you have a job (c) always try to make the best of a situation. In other words, if you don't win the lotto you will have to go to work on Monday. If your job is causing you that much stress, find another one OR look inside yourself and determine is it your job or your attitude about your job that is causing you stress? If it is your attitude, then no matter where you go to work, it will always be the same. Because the problem lies with YOU and not the job. And that doesn't just relate to a job, it can also relate to your life and your relationships with others. I'm not minimizing the stress you feel, the negativity in your organization may be real but why let that determine who you are and what kind of day you will have. I decided a long time ago that no one has my permission to make my day a bad one. Think about that. The only way a situation or a person can determine your mood or feelings is if YOU let them. That works both ways. If you want to feel positive, hang out with positive people--it is contagious and it will rub off. If you want to feel negative hang out with negative peeps and allow them to determine your thoughts--it's contagious too. Let's look at some people that let their attitude determine their altitude.
Dara Torres-She is the first U.S. swimmer to compete in FIVE Olympics. On August 1, 2007 at the age of 40 and just 15 months after giving birth to her first child she won gold in the 100 meter freestyle. Three days later she broke her own American record in the 50 meter freestyle-26 years after she set the American record at the age of 15. In August 2008 at the age or 41 she won silver in the women's 50 meter freestyle finishe in American record time. Everyone told her she was too old. She has won a total of 12 Olympic medals, 4 gold, 4 silver and 4 bronze. Everyone told her it had never been done by someone her age. Everyone told her she would never be in good enough shape after the birth of her child. Everyone told her except Dara Torres!!! She didn't give others permission to determine her future. Thanks to Dara there are women striving to reach their goals in swimming. Many of these women are being told they can't do it. What if Dara had listened to everyone except Dara? These women wouldn't have a role model to look up to. Your attitude determines your altitude.
Lance Armstrong-on Oct 2, 1996 he was diagnosed with stage 3 testicular cancer. It had spread to his lungs, abdomen and brain. His doctors told him there was only a 7% survival rate. His question to them was "Who says I can't be in that 7%?". After surgery, chemo and radiation his cancer went into remission and he went on to win SEVEN consecutive Tour de France races (1999-2005). In 1997 he founded the LiveStrong Foundation to provide support for people with cancer and to promote awareness of cancer and early detection. He has and still continues to lobby in Washington to make survivorship a national health priority. Lance gave no one permission to determine his life, he is in that 7%. Attitude determines your altitude.
Helen Keller-lost her hearing and sight at the age of 19 months. With the help of Anne Mansfield Sullivan she learned to communicate using sign language, to read braille to write and to speak. She entered Radcliffe College in the fall of 1900 and went on to recieve a bachelor of arts degree cum laude in 1904. Her formal education ended there but she continued to learn, read, and write. She recieved many honorary degrees from Universitites such as: Temple and Harvard as well as Univiserties in Glasgow, Scottland, Berlin, Germany and many others. She was a member of the American Foundation for the Blind and in 1924 campaiged for "Helen Keller Endowment Fund" for the foundation. She died in 1968 at the age of 88. In her eulogy the preacher said "Her spirit will endure as long as man can read. Stories can be told of the woman who showed the world there are no bondaries to courage and faith". Attitude determines your altitude.
Now, given those stories I'll bet your work week doesn't look all that stressful anymore right? These people have all made a difference in the world we live in and have impacted us all positively. They each had plenty of reasons to roll over and play dead, but they didn't let their situation determine how far they would go. What can you do to create that positive impact on someone else? OK-you work in a negative environment, so be your best and most positive YOU. Start the change, it is contagious. People naturally gravitate to positive people and their attitudes rub off on others. BE that positive person that others want to be around. I'm not saying to always be in charge of cheering peeople up or trying to MAKE negative people see the positive in a situation. People will be who they choose to be. I'm just saying, let it start with YOU. Choose to be that positive person, the light in the darkness, the glass half full person. You'll find you feel better about yourself, your environment, your relationships and who knows when it will make a difference in someone else's life.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Just Breathe
Breathing is so important to the human species. Our bodies need it, our minds need it, and our psche needs it. During exercise it is important to breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. This takes concentration but with practice you will get it. I have been a runner for years and only recently discovered that if I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth vs. in AND out through my mouth, I can run longer and my time is better. Why is that? Because by breathing through your nose you get MORE oxygen to your cells which in turn produce more "go juice". There are medical terms for this but since I am not in the medical profession I couldn't tell you what that is. If you want more scientific info, google breathing and exercise.
This rule applies any time you are exerting yourself physically or mentally. If you are lifting weights, breathe in when it's the easiest and out when it's the hardest. When you are in labor having a baby, breathe in and out rythmatically. When you are stressed, breathe in through your nose and let it out slowly through your mouth. When someone makes you angry a good rule to follow before you open your mouth to speak is to breathe in through your nose and let it out slowly through your mouth at least three times before you react. Again, during all of these exercising, it takes concentration but the rewards are worth the practice.
Life seems like it is in fast forward. We rush around all week getting children to and from school and outside activities such as dance, baseball, etc. We rush around to and from our jobs. We rush around taking care of all of the errands that have to be run during the week, grocery store, cleaners, post office, taking care of the car, doctors appointments, etc. We rush home and rush to cook supper and get homework fininshed before we rush to get kids bathed and put to bed. We rush to get ourselves to bed at a decent time so we can rush to sleep so we can wake up the next day to rush again. On the weekends we are rushing to cram "fun things" in with family and friends and rushing around to get all of our chores done so we can start rushing around again on Monday morning. With all of that rushing, when do we breathe? We need time for ourselves, our family and our jobs. How do we get all of that crammed in, spend quality time with the ones most important to us, have some time for ourselves and still get it all done? It helps to be organized. Write down what you have to do every day and every week. Then write down how you are going to accomplish those tasks. Life sometimes gets in the way and things come up that aren't on the to do list but for the most part YOU can control what goes on in your life. Don't let life dictate to you when and how to do things because then you are in reactive mode and not proactive mode. By being organized you free up more time to play and will find that you have more "down" time than you had before when you were just scurrying around without a plan. You will also feel more in control of things around you and not so much a "victim" of circumstance. When you feel more in control, you have more confidence, are a happier person and you sleep better because you aren't stressing over unknowns. And those are the times you will be able to breathe.
This rule applies any time you are exerting yourself physically or mentally. If you are lifting weights, breathe in when it's the easiest and out when it's the hardest. When you are in labor having a baby, breathe in and out rythmatically. When you are stressed, breathe in through your nose and let it out slowly through your mouth. When someone makes you angry a good rule to follow before you open your mouth to speak is to breathe in through your nose and let it out slowly through your mouth at least three times before you react. Again, during all of these exercising, it takes concentration but the rewards are worth the practice.
Life seems like it is in fast forward. We rush around all week getting children to and from school and outside activities such as dance, baseball, etc. We rush around to and from our jobs. We rush around taking care of all of the errands that have to be run during the week, grocery store, cleaners, post office, taking care of the car, doctors appointments, etc. We rush home and rush to cook supper and get homework fininshed before we rush to get kids bathed and put to bed. We rush to get ourselves to bed at a decent time so we can rush to sleep so we can wake up the next day to rush again. On the weekends we are rushing to cram "fun things" in with family and friends and rushing around to get all of our chores done so we can start rushing around again on Monday morning. With all of that rushing, when do we breathe? We need time for ourselves, our family and our jobs. How do we get all of that crammed in, spend quality time with the ones most important to us, have some time for ourselves and still get it all done? It helps to be organized. Write down what you have to do every day and every week. Then write down how you are going to accomplish those tasks. Life sometimes gets in the way and things come up that aren't on the to do list but for the most part YOU can control what goes on in your life. Don't let life dictate to you when and how to do things because then you are in reactive mode and not proactive mode. By being organized you free up more time to play and will find that you have more "down" time than you had before when you were just scurrying around without a plan. You will also feel more in control of things around you and not so much a "victim" of circumstance. When you feel more in control, you have more confidence, are a happier person and you sleep better because you aren't stressing over unknowns. And those are the times you will be able to breathe.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Teachers
Summer is over and most schools start again in our area on Monday. And my thoughts have turned to not just the students who will be embarking upon a new school adventure but the teachers that will be leading them on that adventure. In my opinion teachers have one of the most important jobs there is. In choosing this profession they have taken the responsibility of educating our children and thus our future. WOW!!! I wouldn't want that responsibility on my shoulders-I could do with the summers and holidays off tho!!!
To say the least school was not my passion. I thought teachers were just teachers because they needed a job. It didn't occur to me until much later in my school life that teachers were parents, had spouses, pets, some of them even had hobbies and participated in sports--OMG!!! They were "human"--what a concept!! That was probably the point where my view of teachers changed somewhat. I realized that most of them truly wanted to see their students succeed and were not there just to have a job and make my life miserable.
In the public school system there are approximately 30 students to one teacher. One teacher has nine months to bring 30 students forward in their knowledge, prepare them for tests to move on to the next school grade, and prepare them for life. They are not babysitters, they are teachers--they have a plan and a mission. They don't always have the support of the parents and often times don't get the respect they deserve from the students. Their job doesn't end when the school bell rings. There are papers to grade and plans to make for future lessons. Teachers spend money out of their own pockets to help your children get an education, whether that be decorating their classroom with certain themes, or providing personalized material that will encourage an interest in learning. Don't think that all of the school supplies and fees paid for resources covers the cost for material needed in any given class.
A teacher's attitude makes a huge difference in the learning process of our children. If the teacher WANTS to be there and WANTS to educate, their enthusiasm shows in their efforts and children pick up on that attitude so quickly and feed off of that. I had a teacher in the fifth grade that I still remember so clearly. She was single, took care of aging parents and taught a room full of children every day, every subject. She wasn't pretty and she wasn't cool and she seldom smiled but she had a heartfelt interest in each and every student in her class. She drove an orange Corvette and I remember commenting to her one time about how cool her car was. She showed up at my house one Saturday in her cool car and asked if I wanted to go have lunch with her (she had already cleared this with my parents). I don't remember where we went or even what the car looked like on the inside but I remember that she took the time to make me feel special one Saturday afternoon.
So, as school starts this year, I would like to thank all of the teachers for their dedication, inspiration, encouragement, patience and most of all for choosing to make a difference in the lives of our children. Good luck to you all this school year and thank you for giving us the next generation of educators, doctors, nurses, CEO's, President's and parents.
To say the least school was not my passion. I thought teachers were just teachers because they needed a job. It didn't occur to me until much later in my school life that teachers were parents, had spouses, pets, some of them even had hobbies and participated in sports--OMG!!! They were "human"--what a concept!! That was probably the point where my view of teachers changed somewhat. I realized that most of them truly wanted to see their students succeed and were not there just to have a job and make my life miserable.
In the public school system there are approximately 30 students to one teacher. One teacher has nine months to bring 30 students forward in their knowledge, prepare them for tests to move on to the next school grade, and prepare them for life. They are not babysitters, they are teachers--they have a plan and a mission. They don't always have the support of the parents and often times don't get the respect they deserve from the students. Their job doesn't end when the school bell rings. There are papers to grade and plans to make for future lessons. Teachers spend money out of their own pockets to help your children get an education, whether that be decorating their classroom with certain themes, or providing personalized material that will encourage an interest in learning. Don't think that all of the school supplies and fees paid for resources covers the cost for material needed in any given class.
A teacher's attitude makes a huge difference in the learning process of our children. If the teacher WANTS to be there and WANTS to educate, their enthusiasm shows in their efforts and children pick up on that attitude so quickly and feed off of that. I had a teacher in the fifth grade that I still remember so clearly. She was single, took care of aging parents and taught a room full of children every day, every subject. She wasn't pretty and she wasn't cool and she seldom smiled but she had a heartfelt interest in each and every student in her class. She drove an orange Corvette and I remember commenting to her one time about how cool her car was. She showed up at my house one Saturday in her cool car and asked if I wanted to go have lunch with her (she had already cleared this with my parents). I don't remember where we went or even what the car looked like on the inside but I remember that she took the time to make me feel special one Saturday afternoon.
So, as school starts this year, I would like to thank all of the teachers for their dedication, inspiration, encouragement, patience and most of all for choosing to make a difference in the lives of our children. Good luck to you all this school year and thank you for giving us the next generation of educators, doctors, nurses, CEO's, President's and parents.
Friday, August 7, 2009
I Did It
Since I like to talk and many of you have requested I talk more about my posts on facebook, I have created a blog. I hope to publish something weekly that will help you, lift your spirits, encourage you, make you smile and just overall give you the warm fuzzies. Yup--this is a feel good blogspot. Please let me know if you have any suggestions on subjects you would like discussed or ways I can make the blog better. Thank you for your interest in what I have to say. I feel priveleged to be able to share my thoughts with you.
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